i have 10 hermit crabs in a tank in my room, leftovers from the game we played at club on saturday. 9 of them don't fit in their shells anymore, and i know it's considered something like animal cruelty to not give them new shells, but i don't have time to go get any and if i did, i wouldn't know where to go. gerald's supposed to come and relieve me of the burden of torturing ten of God's creatures, and right now my biggest fear is that they'll die from my mistreatment before he comes.
i googled hermit crab care and now, to make up for their extreme discomfort, i've been trying to feed them and find "climbing toys" to "stimulate their minds and climbing skills". do hermit crabs have minds? well anyway, i combed the house looking for suitable climbing toys that won't take up too much space. the results of my search: 1 empty film canister, 1 decorative shell that's sat on all of the toilets in all of the houses we've ever lived in for the past twenty years. 1 yogurt container cover. i tried to put in an old dish sponge but then they started eating it so i had to throw it away.
at night i hear their crawly noises and dream of a 15-foot-tall hermit crab breaking through my window. he picks me out of bed and stuffs me into a laundry hamper.