• Caren

beating the shame out

4/18/06

beating the shame out of me.

whenever i feel like doing something, and i realize that doing it would most likely attract a lot of unwanted attention, then that's it. because then ihave to do it, to prove to myself that i'm not chicken. it's like self-flagellation. i want to live unapologetically. because the things i usually want to do are, quite frankly, embarassing. or would be embarassing if i were that kind of person. the kind who got embarassed by stuff. but i'm not. or i'm working on being not.

as i was wrapping the empty milk bottles in plastic shopping bags and tying a double knot on my rollerskates, this is what i told myself, over and over: "you have nothing to be ashamed of. so you have this sudden urge to rollerskate down frat row to byrne dairy, on a lovely saturday afternoon when all the frat boys will be sunning themselves on the front lawn and everyone else and their mom will be out walking the dog. well, go ahead. what are you waiting for?"

i refuse to let self-awareness cripple me. maybe i'm overdoing it. but anyway, i only fell twice, and neither time did glass shards from the milk bottles impale me. so i'm physically no worse off, aside from the new tear in my jeans and a bruise on my knee. mentally, i'm on my way to being a cool cat who doesn't care what other people think.

::edit::

ok for all you urbanites. in some places, people still do the glass milk bottle refill thing. milk tastes better when it comes from a glass bottle. i think it keeps it colder. and it's better for the environment (no cartons to throw out). but this means you have to return the bottles when they're empty.