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  • Writer's pictureCaren

speed dating


i think i'm going to try speed-dating. you know, the thing in all the movies... where the first guy you meet is boring as heck and then they ring a bell and you switch seats to meet a different guy who confesses that he sometimes eats his fingernail clippings and they ring the bell again and you think it couldn't get worse but the next guy actually has hair growing out of his ears. i think it could be educational.

what do i have to lose? i could a) find the man of my dreams, b) earn some really great stories to tell afterwards, c) get stalked and murdered in a grotesque manner by Ear-Hair Man.

to safeguard against c), i need a speed-dating buddy. any takers?

(my sources tell me that there are christian organizations that do this deal. iiiiinteresting. some of them even require a pastor's approval. yeah. i can imagine that scenario going very un-well. any volunteers want to explain speed-dating to my father?)

i used to love valentine's day. but the couples have ruined it. it's gone from a fun chocolate-gorging opportunity to ... eloquent death. and unpleasant, involuntary thoughts resembling the following:

in chinese years, 22 is practically menopausal. i ought to be tending the rice paddies with a baby strapped to my back. or throwing myself into the family well because i've been married to a 60-year-old version of Ear-Hair Man for 8 years already and i can't take it anymore.

if i was cassie, the wedding would be in four months.

i wonder if that guy i sat next to in homeroom in 1999 is dating anyone right now.

it's scary that in the 90s, i was old enough to like boys.

like i said, eloquent death.

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