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  • Writer's pictureCaren

fashion ambushed by my mom


my mother resides in the lowest 10% on the scale of people who are allowed to give me fashion advice.

but she and my father and my grandmother put their heads together and decided that they are force-gifting me a coat. because they hate the one i own. i happen to like the one i own. yellow lapel flower and all.

perhaps she hasn't the heart to straight-out tell me that she thinks my coat is ugly (which it isn't). instead, she says:

mom: it's so old! me: i've only had it for two years! mom: it's dirty! me: i'll get it dry-cleaned! mom: i'm getting you a new one! me: noooooooooooooooooooooooooo

there is a very good reason why i don't let my mom buy my clothing. it all went downhill from oshkosh b'gosh.

but why is this, the harmless overcoat, the one article of clothing that they choose to proactively nudge out of the picture? of all their years of parenthood to yours truly, why did they choose this moment to attack? and why the coat? why not the maroon striped hobo shirt? why not the hole-y jeans? why not the hot pink psuedo-chucks?

maybe they are choosing to strike now, before the coat gets old enough to have any serious sentimental value. because by that point, it would be like trying to amputate a limb.

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