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  • Writer's pictureCaren

chinese medicine


western medicine's all about quick and painless. chinese medicine laughs a badly dubbed bruce lee i'm-gonna-kick-your-beep laugh and then goes for the jugular.

there's something very primitive/heathen about it, like hurting yourself will amuse the gods enough that they'll grant you a wish. sure, i will take away your arthritis, but first you must stick yourself full of needles, then suck out your blood with scalding hot glass cups, then swallow six months' worth of ground eye of newt/toe of frog, then dance by the light of the moon. squirm, little bug! squirm!

anyway, i'm seeing a chinese medicine doctor now. it's not the worst of the worst i've experienced. he has prescribed, however, some little packets of stuff i'm supposed to dissolve in hot water and drink. the label says "herbal tea". lies! all lies. that's not herbal tea. that's ground-up bones and ashes of some ancient slain chinese dragon. poop in a cup.

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