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  • Writer's pictureCaren

bring back elastic


it's ludicrous, how many unnecessary fasteners are appearing on my pants. clothing manufacturers are making it very difficult for me when i have to go to the bathroom. two decades of handling my own apparal have made me quite deft in dealing with the classic zip-button fly. a one-second-long symphony of thumb and fingers.

now my pants are getting so complicated that it deserves a xanga entry. now i got zip-inside button-outside button. or zip-button-hook. or button-button-button-button. or zip-button-button-button, two buttons of which are for show but still require buttoning lest i suffer unwanted stares towards my nether regions. i also got zip-button-drawstring tie. those pants are a little big so i have to wear a belt. meaning: way too many steps to follow when you really gotta go.

as i get older and rounder, the clothing manufacturers are figuring that i need more to hold me in. like those triple-reinforced steel seams in the Titanic.

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