• Caren

i've got a lot of free time

6/5/06

so i've been kicking some culinary butt. figurative culinary butt. no real culinaries were harmed in the process.

what i mean to say is, baking up a storm. cookies left and right, flour and butter pats flying. today it's biscotti. a little chewy but not too bad for my first time. and did you know that almond stuff is hecka expensive? a bag of slivered almonds and a bottle of imitation almond extract, $11.88. this hobby's starting to make a dent in my checking account.

point being that i've got a lot of free time. and sometimes even i find my own company perplexing. the curse of the introvert Christian. bent on walking the talk and having to constantly swallow my failures.

prefer: [mug of tea, pillow, book of choice] to [people]. prefer: [taking a nap] to [taking initiative]. prefer: [life-as-hermit] to [go out into the world and make disciples].

get the picture?

wish i could live that other life. where you constantly feel the way you do after coming back from a missions trip, the worst being over. the discomfort put-up-with and now in the past. nothing to do now but rest up and be happy with yourself and tell lots of people about the good you did. talk ideologies and self-sacrifice, because you did that for a couple days and others should follow your example. then go home and take a nice long shower and snuggle into bed. flip on the tv. because you deserve it; you've been so good. just take that feeling and expand it to a lifetime. wish that was an option. wish it so bad, cross-fingers-spin-thrice-and-click-heels bad.