• Caren

shy

7/27/06

My co-workers are out there, talking. I went to “get some milk from the mini-fridge” and to try and be sociable. Because I suck at being sociable, I have to make a serious effort.

I can jump off big rocks, eat/drink all sorts of nasty, and squish spiders, but I’m too afraid to offer some fong li su (pineapple cakes) to a bunch of grown-ups. The box that my dad gave me to share has been sitting in my desk drawer since Tuesday (I “forgot” it on Monday).

On Tuesday, Mom called me and asked if I did it yet it yet. I should’ve lied.

Later that same day, Dad called to tell me his idea. Which was: if you’re too shy, then when nobody’s around, leave one on each person’s desk with a post-it note.

Cute, but that would betray the fact that I’m scared that if I talk to them, they’ll eat me.

Yesterday, I told Dad that I would do it “in my own time." And he laughed because he knows that could be forever.

I do eavesdrop though. And this is my favorite quote of today, from a woman who works in fiscal. She was commenting on how some higher-ups are saying that they need to enforce the dress code. “This is a ghetto school with ghetto kids,” she said. “When they get rid of the rodents, and the bugs, and they fix the escalator, and when the students stop mugging the cafeteria, then maybe I’ll start dressing nicer.”

Maybe she’ll be my friend.

pondering the big rock before i jump. nicole: "are you sure about this caren?"

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