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  • Writer's pictureCaren

listicle: children


there's a banner ad on my xanga that says, "are you a good kisser?" and i looked for the "you bet your cha-chas i am" button but i couldn't find it. maybe i'll look for it again later. i hope i get a prize.


1) because they're always sweaty.

2) because they are so ridiculously disproportional. huge heads and skinny arms and giant eyes. like a T-Rex without the cool teeth.

3) because every conversation i have with one of them always ends in them yelling, "i'm telling my mooOooOoom!"

4) because they are exactly the right height and size for a hip-check to the head, but when you try it they cry. crying is annoying.

to be fair, i should also include this list of


1) because they don't understand sarcasm

2) because they're so easy to pick up, like a collapsible chair.

3) because it's easy to make them laugh

3) because they are afraid of me

4) because without them, the world would be without children's literature.

so i guess they can stick around.

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